I am Superwoman!

We’ve all heard that breastfeeding is best for babies.  Although I agreed with this, I allowed myself to cave when my daughter was an infant and first “supplement” and eventually wean completely when her system didn’t like foods that I couldn’t see living without.  Now, four years later, I feel like that was a crappy-mom move.  I cheated her out of all those benefits.  At the same time, she’s a happy, healthy almost four year old, so I’m not going to beat myself up over it.

Today, I received a bit of reassurance and an unexpected ego-boost, RJ had his two week appointment.  When we were discharged from the hospital, he weighed six pounds two ounces.  Today, exactly two weeks after he was born, he’s up to seven pounds even and he’s grown half an inch.  I DID THAT!!!  As corny as it sounds, I’m damned proud of myself for getting him off formula completely as soon as the jaundice cleared up.  We could have easily “supplemented” again so he’d stay full longer and sleep longer stretches at night, but we didn’t.  I could have thrown in the towel when it seemed like he wasn’t getting enough, I didn’t.  I could have mistakenly thought I wasn’t producing enough when I could only pump an ounce or two, but I assured myself that what you pump isn’t the same as what baby eats.

Because I didn’t give up this time, my little man is growing like a weed!  Now, I’ll have to re-visit this post when he wants to cluster feed in the middle of the night and I have to get up early for work or something!

Fluffy Buns

Explaining Breastfeeding to Siblings

With both of my pregnancies, I have become addicted to “expecting club” message boards.  These are boards where women can talk to other women who are due around the same time as they are.  The other day, a mom asked about resources to teach younger siblings about breastfeeding.  I’ll admit, I hadn’t really thought about explaining breastfeeding to Khaila before RJ was born.  To me, it was one of those things that we could talk about “when the time comes”.

I wound up not having to start the conversation, thanks to my step-mom.  While we were in the hospital, she took the reigns and spent a lot of time talking to Khaila about how RJ would be eating milk from mommy’s breast.  In addition, they used that time to talk about how babies can’t eat people food.  It was nice to see Khaila after RJ was born and it was interesting when she climbed into the bed with me and started asking if I was feeding him from my breast.  First, I had never heard her use the word breast before then, but more importantly, because she got it.  It wasn’t weird to her, she didn’t feel jealous that she didn’t get to, it seemed completely natural to her.

Sometimes, I think we try to rely too heavily on media to almost dumb down things to a level we think will be better for our kids.  While books, DVDs, and the internet all have their place in life, there are some concepts kids don’t know to question.  If you don’t know any different, you’re not going to dispute the information you’re given.  I’m glad my step-mom took the time to tell Khaila about breastfeeding.  By explaining it right before she saw it happening, she accepted breastfeeding as completely natural and right.  When we show her books or DVDs, she knows those are stories and it’s actually harder for her to grasp the concepts we’re trying to teach her.  

Now, the big problem is helping her understand that breastfeeding isn’t something the entire world needs to know I’m doing when I’m doing it.  I’m trying to be more open about feeding RJ than I was with her, but she makes it hard when asks me if I’m going to feed RJ from my breast when we’re sitting in a restaurant, at the zoo, or any other public place!

Grocery Shopping as a New Mom

A few days ago, I walked into the grocery store to pick up something for lunch.  When I got there, you would think I had walked into some exotic market in a foreign country.  I couldn’t figure out what I was picking up, nothing registered as something suitable, and I wound up at the deli counter for some ham and a loaf of bread.  At that moment, I realized I needed a plan before I attempted to do “actual” grocery shopping for the family.

Enter my new best friend.  The folks at Kraft have taken the time to develop a wonderful website that not only has recipes for every meal and occasion, they also have a “Budget Wise” section for those of us who are trying to pinch pennies.  In that section, they have several collections of meals to get you through the week.  

My least favorite part of meal planning has always been trying to coordinate meals so there isn’t carry-over  or planning the next week with my head in the fridge to see what I have to use up.  This week, I chose one of their “bags”, printed the shopping list, and I’m going to make the meals from their menu.  Not only will it be nice to have fewer random ingredients left next weekend, it’s about time to try some new recipes!  

Having everything on the website reduces the need to think even further, something I’ve decided is essential in the first few weeks of having a newborn in the house!  I spent half of what I used to spend and know that I have everything we need for the week.

What Have I Done??

When I started this blog, I was the mother of one adorable daughter.  Now, I have a still adorable daughter and a handsome son known as Prince Charming or Bubba depending on who’s talking.  I never made a secret about the fact that I’m nowhere near perfect, in fact, I chose to celebrate the knowledge that I’m completely unperfect.

If I thought I was completely unperfect before, I’d hate to think of a term for what I am now.  I’m sure it’s normal, but at least once a day I panic, thinking there is no way in hell I can do this job.  How am I supposed to juggle two kids?  How will I make sure I’m not favoring one over the other?  How do I maintain reasonable expectations for Khaila without creating  jealousy over the attention RJ demands from me?

As much as I felt unperfect before, I feel like I was doing fairly well tossing that one ball up in the air.  Right now, eight days into being the mother of two, I feel like I have a ball I’m trying to keep in the air and the other one is rolling towards the road.  I can’t let the one ball drop, I have to protect the other so it’s not hit by a car, and I have no clue how to do both.  Maybe that makes no sense to anyone else, blame it on the sleep-deprived mind of a new mom.

When I left the hospital, I felt amazing.  I was still flying high on the adrenaline of everything that had gone on in the previous three days, ecstatic to be walking out of the hospital with my new son, anxious to get home to our daughter.  Physically, I was and still am doing very well.  Over the past few days, the adrenaline and all the other hormones have worn off and I’m realizing that I more than likely have post partum depression.  

I don’t remember it being this bad with Khaila.  The difference may be due to outside situations that are going on right now or the fact that RJ is going to be my last, I don’t know.  Whatever the issue is, I need to attack this head on.  The mom I’m giving my children right now isn’t one I’m proud to be.  I don’t want my daughter asking why I’m sad and wiping the tears from my eyes anymore.  I don’t want to wipe tears off my son’s skin as I sob while feeding him.  I want to enjoy this time.  I want to continue helping Khaila grow as a responsible, well-behaved child.  

Tuesday, I will be calling my doctor.  Until then, I will lean on my husband and my family to get me through.  Post-partum depression isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s one of the things that makes me completely unperfect.  On the other hand, being completely unperfect is part of what makes me a decent mom to my kids.  As I feel that I can, I hope to share a bit of this journey, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  If nothing else, it’ll make interesting reading for me someday!

The Little Man is Here!

Richard James Joseph Heinzer
Born May 14, 2009 at 10:54am
Weight: 6lb 11oz
Length: 17.5 inches

RJ decided to be like his sister and come early.  In fact, both of my children were born at 36 weeks and 2 days gestation due to pre-eclampsia.  Unlike his Khaila, this pregnancy didn’t have me on bedrest for 8 weeks.  I went in Tuesday for my regular appointment, had high blood pressure and trace protein in my urine so they sent me home after some bloodwork to do the 24 hour test.  

The next day, I had a wicked headache, which is something you have to be careful of when you have pre-eclampsia, so I called the doctor.  He wanted me to come in, so we took Khaila to her grandparents and headed up to the hospital.  After sitting around for a few hours waiting for bloodwork results to come back, my OB came in and said it was time to deliver.  He doesn’t like to induce, but he also doesn’t like to take chances when it comes to the lives of everyone involved.

At 10:22pm, they started the pitocin and we were hopeful that everything would be over in a few hours.  With Khaila, my induction went better than could be expected, and everything I had been told led me to believe that this time would be even quicker.  WRONG!!  She was a 7 hour labor start to finish, he wound up being 13 hours.  The good news is that only 7 minutes of that was pushing!  Apparently, I’m made for delivering babies, just not being pregnant!

A week later, life is going as well as you could expect.  I feel better physically than I have in months, but now the mental drain is setting in.  It’s been a rough transition for the three year old who is used to being our one and only, I’m told that’s completely normal.  Today has been a good day with fewer tantrums than we’ve had in quite a while, so I’m hoping she’s getting used to the idea of being the big sister.   

Pregnancy Isn’t Always Fun

Have you ever met one of those women who can’t help but tell the world how she loved being pregnant and would keep doing it over and over if she could?  It seems like those who have easy pregnancies can’t help but share with the world how wonderful it is.  At the same time, there is a much quieter group of moms in the world, those who can’t stand being pregnant, no matter how wonderful the end result is.

Most of the time, being mommy is the best job in the world.  Other times, it’s a true test of patience and control.  Getting to the point where I was a mom didn’t seem as bad the first time around, but I’m sure I complained then too.  I was pregnant through half of the summer, on bedrest, and had no central air.  This time, I have a three year old who still needs my attention, I’m working, going to school, and trying to stay awake.  

I have actually called this baby an alien invader and I wasn’t totally joking.  He’s big enough that he’s not moving around much and has decided that his feet belong in my ribs.  I had no Braxton Hicks contractions with Khaila, and this time I’ve had them since about week 30.  Every week, they’re a bit more painful.  If there’s a grain of truth to the heartburn means hair tale, I’m going to need a barber in the delivery room.

I could go on and on with all the petty little complaints I’ve had this time around, but as my husband likes to point out, I should be counting my blessings that I’m 35 weeks pregnant, NOT on bedrest, I haven’t spent any overnights in the hospital, we’re NOT planning an induction for next week and praying that baby’s lungs are developed.  In a way, he’s right.  On the other hand, doesn’t he know better than to tell a pregnant woman what to think or feel, no matter how irrational???  :)

Beginning of the End

To celebrate my final month of pregnancy, I’m going to do everything I can to find a minute or two to post every week day from now until RJ is born. Sometimes the posts will be informational, with research done to back up what I’m saying. Other times, I might have a random rant about pregnancy, motherhood, and the internet. Then, when my brain is actually functioning, I just might talk about things no one tells the first time mom that I’m trying to remember as I prepare to become a mom for the second time.

Mommy’s Helper?

Tackling It – Making It Permanent

In a past life, I took a heads on approach to just about everything.  The problem with this approach is that it never lasts.  Whether it was a diet, a hobby, a “life’s dream”, you name it, eventually the fire dwindled down to a smolder, and eventually went out.  With a second little one on the way, I’ve decided that while I can use Tuesdays as a motivating day to keep me going, I can’t rely on Tuesdays to get me started.  Tackling too much on Tuesday has led to needing to take it easy on Wednesday, feeling like I was in a rut on Thursday, and then I would pity party my way through the weekend.

Over the past couple of months, my step-mom has been coming over about once a week to help me get the apartment cleaned and organized.  Originally, the goal was to have the apartment ready for RJ by the time I hit 28 weeks pregnant.  Well, after someone having a death in the family followed by a co-worker going to Hawaii for almost two weeks, I had no energy for most of the month.  Last week, I was a week past the goal and nowhere near ready to bring a new little guy home!  With our session last Tuesday, we got the apartment within two rooms of being ready.

Since then, I’ve been working a little each night to see how close I can be when she comes over the next time.  By the time RJ is here, I want to be at a point where we can start the dishwasher on our way out the door and come home as a family of four into a peaceful home.  That won’t happen by trying to make huge gains one day and then sliding down the hill for the next six.