Chronicles of a Completely Unperfect Mom

March 10, 2010

Psalm 109

Filed under: Following God's Path,Quitting Smoking — Mom @ 10:15 pm

To help me find my way back to God, I recently purchased a Bible that contains 5 minute Bible studies throughout the book.  Given my recent struggles to quit smoking, a study on freedom from addiction caught my eye.

“I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they shake their heads.” Psalm 109:25

This verse rings very true of many addictions and definitely leaped off the page to me.  Smoking is a dirty, nasty habit, and many people are quick to chastise smokers as though we don’t know it’s not healthy.  Even those who are “trying to help” tend to do so in a negative way.

“Help me O Lord my God; save me in accordance with your love.” Psalm 109:26

I know that quitting smoking is something I want to quit.  I also know how easy it is to find a feeble excuse to falter.  I pray that the Lord will be with me and help me through this.

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February 22, 2010

The First Stumble

Filed under: Quitting Smoking — Mom @ 1:51 pm

Remember that pack that I said I wouldn’t touch?  Well, I screwed up and touched it.  While I know this is bad from the sense that I have to start “the clock” over again, it’s good in the sense that it made me feel disgusting.  I hated the way it tasted, I hated how it felt, I hated how I felt both physically and emotionally.

So, now we’re at close to an hour.  It’s not nearly as impressive as it would have been if it was almost 13 hours, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  I’m simply finding things to occupy my time, preferably things that require enough attention that I can’t obsess over every single minute that it’s been.   Very few things in life are mastered the first time we try them and this is no different.  The trick is to not let myself get so discouraged that I say screw it and give up trying.

This is going to suck!

Filed under: Quitting Smoking — Mom @ 11:58 am
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Smoking seems to be a taboo topic if you’re a mom.  It feels like you’re the only mom who has this addiction and you can’t talk about it because other moms will judge you, won’t want to spend time with you, won’t want their kids to spend time with your kids, and will talk until they’re blue in the face about how evil smoking is.  For those who don’t smoke, yes, we already know about the evils of smoking! 

The time has come for me to quit.  I really want to do this without Chantix or any nicotine supplements which means the next 72 hours are going to suck big time!  That’s how long it will take to have a nicotine free body. I know there will be rough times beyond that, but once the body is free of nicotine, it slowly stops wanting more, and then it’s the mental addiction, the part that may never fully go away.

Thanks to sleeping and the morning routine, I’m starting this journey with almost 11 hours smoke-free under my belt.  I have a full pack of cigarettes sitting here, but I refuse to look at them.  They can taunt me all they want, but I will not open them!  Well, I already did take the cellophane off, but then I got away from them as quickly as possible. I’m NOT going to cave! 

Over the next few days there will likely be many disjointed, rambling posts.  I figure I’m going to blog my way through this so I can keep my fingers busy, and maybe, just maybe, there will be a morsel of clarity that I can come back and read and get through the tough times.

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