A Welcome Change

Being unperfect, I have no problem admitting that there are times I miss my pre-baby life.  I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything in the world, but it stings just a little when friends are going out to parties and I’m at home with the kids.  Tonight, it was a high school friend coming to town.

On my way home from work, I had an overwhelming urge to get home to my kids.  I worked six days this week, they were stressful days, and now I’m done for the week.  I have one day off, and then another six day week, including four days at an event we’re catering and two days finishing up the planning.  There’s some family drama going on right now that has me stressed. I have a package that’s MIA, somewhere in the USPS system (so much for 2-3 days!).  All of this combined to make me want nothing more than to get home to snuggle with my kids.

I do feel guilty for not going out with my friend, even though I would have been horribly late.  On the other hand, there’s nothing better than giving the little man his last bottle and having him fall asleep in my arms.  Well, unless you throw eating pizza, snuggling, and watching “Enchanted” with the four year old!

I’d much rather experience friend guilt than mommy guilt.  It wasn’t always that way, I used to feel I deserved the break and had no problem with the occasional night out.  Now, I can’t stand having Khaila away for more than a day (as I learned from a recent 2 night overnight with Nana) and I’d rather be home with them than out with friends.  This is a cool feeling!

Where Has the Time Gone?

 It seems like just yesterday that this picture was taken.  It’s the night Khaila was born, over four years ago.  You hear parents say to cherish every moment because it’ll be gone before you know it, but somehow, I think we all brush that off a bit, especially when daily life is taking its toll and it feels like they’ll never move on to the next phase of life.

I’m realizing now how right “they” are.  My “baby” has actual conversations with me, sometimes conveying her feelings in ways that make me laugh because of her little sophistication.  Just this week, she corrected herself after saying she had to tell her Nana something, she said, “I mean, I need to ask her….”  She knows how to use the computer better than many adults. 

Recently, I realized that she no longer looks like a toddler, she looks like a girl!  I remember the punch to my gut when she lost the baby look for the toddler look, and this time was even worse.  She’s tall for her age, she’s lost her baby fat, she’s growing up on me!

Yesterday, I was talking with a mom friend of mine about the first day of school and I realized this is the last year I have to spend with her before she’s off to “the big school” as she puts it.  I’m already dreading that day next year when we pack up and take her to the first day of Kindegarten.  How can this day be just over a year away?

Without a doubt, I’m cherishing every single moment with RJ.  I’m wiser this time around, I don’t get frustrated when he wants to sleep all the time, I’m not going to rush him to do anything.  Every day that passes is one less day of having a baby in the house, and as content as I am with our family the size it is, it’s sad to think we won’t have these days again.

How Can This Be??

Today is turning into a very emotional day!  First, my 17 year old cousin is graduating from high school in about 25 minutes.  I remember the day she was born.  I remember making a welcome sign for her and being devastated when I realized that they gave her a different middle name than I had been told, thus the sign was wrong.  Thinking of her graduating made me realize that before I know it, my own daughter will be graduating.  I know I still have about 15 years before that happens, but as quickly as the past three have gone, it’s not long at all!

Then, I received an email from Nana.  She has a few “school outfits” for my little bug to wear.  On June 2nd, she will be starting a preschool program in town.  It’s time, I know that, but for the first time, it hit me that my little baby is no longer a baby.  I actually welled up as I read that email.  It may not be kindergarten, but two years from right now, we’ll be getting ready for that.  How did we go from helpless newborn to starting preschool?

I now realize why I was 12 years old and my dad was trying to put me in Mary Janes, wouldn’t let me cut my hair, and threw a fit when I got my ears pierced.  It’s hard to deal with any sign of your kid growing up!